sooooooo......i thought i'd do a post about my body. Im not gonna talk too much about it, because i dont feel that comfortable talking about it, but hey ho, here we go...
OKAY, sooo....i've never really been a 'small girl'. When i was in primary school i was always the tallest and i developed alot faster than other people (im talking, boobs, hips etccc) soo like, i've always been taller than everyone from a young age. Now, lemme tell you something about being a teenager and being tall...IT SUCKS GOAT BALLS. i.hate.it. tbh, if there was surgery the NHS could pay for, that i could shorten myself I WOULD GET THAT SHIZZLE. like, people are like "omg you're soo tall, i wish i was your height" umm, no. no you dont. "but models are tall" models are also, skinny (if they are plus size, they are toned and beautiful..not fat). I hate it when people point out my height to me asif i cant really see that i tower over everyone like Big Ben. When people make little remarks about my height, it really upsets me and i cry about it, because there's nothing i can do about my height, soo why make fun of it? NOT COOL. Now, unto the male species. When you are this height, boys are intimidated by you. (well thats what i see anyways) They want cute little girls they can pick up and be all cute with, not someone that will break their back. Alot of the time, i feel like i'm never gonna find anyone because of my size and that breaks my heart. I always tell people they should love themselves and stuff, but i wish i could take my own advice because feeling this way, is soooooo not fun.
Now unto my weight (ohh the joys). soo, as i said before, as i was growing up, i've never been 'small' and thats in my weight as well as my height. I was always allowed to eat whatever i wanted, soo i did. There was no restrictions in my house, soo i just ate anything. Im allergic to alot of things, but theres alot of things i can eat. Soo, as i was getting bigger, i didnt care...then i got to secondary school (dun dun dun). worst.5.years.ever. Boys were nasty, girls werent much better and i felt soo alone. Not really gonna talk about that too much or i might have to get the violin out.. Soo after secondary school was college and in my college there is soooo many fit guys. ohh lawwwwwd. BUT, looking the way that i look, i feel like everytime, one of them looks at me they are just thinking the worst things.
Sooo, 1 and a half years into college (17years old) i decided to change myself. i was tired of looking in the mirror and hating what i saw, tired of the voices inside my head telling me all this crap. In february 2012, i started a new healthy eating lifestyle. i cut all ALL the crap and replaced it with healthier options and exercise. Since i started this, i've lost nearly 3stone. (like 2stone and a few pounds) Having people tell you, "Shekinah, you've lost weight" is the nicest thing ever and it makes me think im doing something right for once. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin and i am nowhere near my target, but its all baby steps. Everybody wants that "bikini body" and im working on it. but to be perfectly honest, if i had the money, i would get all this unwanted fat, surgically removed. BUT, unfortunately, i dont have loads in the bank, soo i guess im stuck doing it the old fashioned way (for now). I think alot of people get critisized or get called "lazy" for going down the surgical route, but if you are really big and you want to change yourself, nobody has the right to tell you, you cant. The ones that are like a size 6 and are like "omg, im soooooooooooooooo fat" need to just get out.
I know im being a hypocrite by telling people this but YOU are beautiful. and even if i cant take my own advice, i hope someone will and know that if theres something you really dont like about yourself you can change it. You just gotta push through and you will achieve want you want. also remember, after a hurricane comes a rainbow. :-)
I've written alot and if you actually read all this, then you are getting a metaphoric gold medal. Theres loads more i could write, but i dont wanna bore you more than i always have.
If you have any questions on how i got healthier and stuff and like tips for you or anything, cos im sure i missed out loadsss, feel free to ask. i dont bite. unless you taste like chicken.